Drug and alcohol addiction, often referred to as a substance use disorder (SUD), is a chronic, relapsing brain disorder. While this disease can significantly damage relationships, it’s vital as a loved one of someone with an addiction that you approach conversations with empathy and understanding. Making harmful statements to a person with a substance use disorder (SUD) can sabotage their sobriety and healing journey.
Understanding the Recovery Process from Drug and Alcohol Addiction
The road to recovery from a substance use disorder (SUD) involves various stages that address the psychological and physical aspects of addiction. When you have a loved one in addiction recovery or actively struggling with drug or alcohol abuse, understanding these stages is essential for providing the proper support. Recovery from a drug or alcohol addiction doesn’t have a definitive end date. Addiction recovery is a lifelong process of managing drug or alcohol cravings, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and avoiding triggers.
As a close friend or family member of someone in recovery from addiction, it’s essential to understand the process. This understanding allows you to provide them with the necessary support and assistance without enabling or unintentionally harming their recovery process. A strong support system in addiction recovery is one of the most significant aspects of a successful and long-term recovery.
10 Things Not to Say to Someone with An Addiction
Supporting a loved one with a drug or alcohol addiction is a challenging and delicate process. Your words can either encourage, enable, or unintentionally harm someone in substance use recovery, making it crucial to approach conversations with care. As a family member, parent, or close friend of someone with an addiction, it’s imperative to know what to say and what not to say. Here are ten things that you should not say to someone struggling with an addiction.
1. “Why can’t you just stop drinking/using?”
Addiction, or substance use disorder (SUD), is a complex brain disease that engages in physical, emotional, and psychological health aspects. Telling someone with a drug or alcohol use disorder to “stop” using or drinking is an underestimation of the intense cravings and addictive behaviors.
Someone’s excessive drinking habits or drug use are often a coping mechanism for emotional distress and mental health issues. When someone deals with a mental illness, such as depression or PTSD, and an addiction, this is known as a co-occurring disorder or dual diagnosis.
2. “You chose this life.”
While some decisions can lead someone down the path of addiction, there are a range of factors that contribute to an SUD. Genetics, childhood trauma, and mental health disorders can all lead to drug and alcohol addiction. Telling someone with an addiction that they chose this life can trigger feelings of guilt and shame. This phrase could push them further away from you and potentially relapse.
3. “You’re just weak.”
Dealing with an alcohol or drug addiction or substance use disorder (SUD) is not a weakness. It takes tremendous strength and courage to admit that you have a problem and need help. Labeling someone with an addiction as ‘weak’ can discourage them and prevent them from continuing on their recovery journey.
4. “If you really loved me, you’d stop.”
Using this phrase on someone with a substance use disorder (SUD) is emotional manipulation and adds guilt to an already distressing situation. Love cannot cure a drug or alcohol addiction on its own. Addiction recovery is most successful with professional help, medical treatment, and a strong support network.
5. “You’re ruining your life and everyone else’s.”
While addiction significantly impacts close family members and friends of someone with an addiction, reminding them of the damage they’ve caused does not improve the situation. This statement can only exacerbate their existing feelings of guilt and shame regarding their addiction. Guilt and shame can both act as triggers during the withdrawal and recovery process.
6. “You don’t look like an addict.”
Saying that someone does or does not look like a person with an addiction is a very harmful statement. There is no specific look or appearance for someone battling alcohol or drug abuse. This comment minimizes their struggles while also encouraging harmful stereotypes and stigmas about addiction and those who suffer from it.
7. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Drug and alcohol addiction is always a big deal, whether it’s in the early stages or has become a life-altering substance use disorder (SUD). Dismissing the gravity of the situation can make someone struggling to feel that their problem is worthy of treatment or attention. Additionally, this statement minimizes that their drug or alcohol consumption is not an issue, leading them to continue on this harmful cycle of abuse.
8. “You’re a lost cause.”
Making negative statements like this can crush someone’s hope in addiction recovery. The drug and alcohol recovery process takes time, but no one is beyond help. Suggesting that someone with an alcohol or drug addiction is a lost cause can push them further away from getting the treatment they need.
9. “You were doing so well; how could you relapse?
Relapse is prevalent in substance abuse recovery and does not mean that someone has failed. Recovery from an alcohol or drug use disorder is a lifelong process, and setbacks are often a part of it. Practicing compassion and encouraging a loved one in recovery is much more helpful and effective than criticism.
10. “Everyone has problems, just deal with it.”
While yes it is true that everyone has problems, addiction is a chronic brain disorder that requires medical intervention. Dismissing a substance use disorder (SUD) or addiction as a common problem downplays the complexities of substance abuse and the strength it takes to address it.
Supporting a Loved One Through Addiction Recovery
Knowing what not to say to someone battling addiction is just as significant as knowing what to say. Approaching conversations with an addicted loved one with understanding, empathy, and respect supports their recovery journey. Instead of offering judgment or getting frustrated with their addictive behaviors, you can provide encouragement and patience while leading them toward professional help or counseling.
Coastal Detox offers drug and alcohol detox programs in Stuart, FL, for those battling substance use disorders (SUDs). Reach out to our drug detox facility in South Florida to start the road to recovery today!
References:
- National Institute on Drug Abuse. Recovery.
- Cleveland Clinic, 2023. 4 Signs of Enabling and How to Stop.
- National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2011. Treatment and Recovery.
- Verywell Mind, 2024. How to Communicate With Someone With Addiction.
- NIH News in Health, 2015. Biology of Addiction.